When I was at university, a lecturer told us we were on the exciting brink of the coming of age for the hospitality industry in Australia. At the time I remember thinking…this chick doesn’t know what she’s talking about! But then she went on to say (amongst other things) that in just five years the sale of cookbooks had risen by almost 300%. With that she had my attention.

Today, the sale of cookbooks is almost 3000% over what my lecturer was talking about. In the last twenty years much has changed.

I remember watching TV as a young girl and you had either Bernard King or Margaret Fulton and later Gabrielle Gaté. Now, you have the choice of many – too many in fact, to mention. Just turn on the TV and flick around. You’ll find a cooking show! And not just in English. In French. In German. In Italian, Japanese and Swiss!

Food fads have come and gone. Restaurants and cafes have come and gone. Chefs have come and gone. But one thing in twenty years remains the same…the pure and utter preoccupation we have of wanting our food to look perfect.

Where did it start? Who started it? And why, oh why does our food need to look perfect? Isn’t it enough that it tastes divine?

Personally, I blame the marketing people. Not only does your hair have to be salon fresh, but also your teeth must be unrealistically white and your children absolutely 99% germ free. And so too – your food must look perfect.

My train of thought about this came about because of the humble tomato. Always inspired by my Nan – every year I plant tomatoes as she did, from seed. I tend to and nurture them. Water and feed them and this year! A bumper crop! Romas’, cherry, ox heart – I had them all and I ate them all. And they tasted amazing. They tasted like tomatoes should.

Did they look pretty? Not on your life. Some were as ugly as sin. But the taste! The taste was Naples.

Then I had a lady tell me she was a bit disappointed with something she had bought at Luscious because it didn’t look like the picture on Facebook. Never the less, I offered a substitute product and she still returns almost every week.

But this too got me to thinking.

With the rapid increase in cookbook sales and cooking shows, competitions and bake-offs – are we so used to perceiving food that has been styled within an inch of its life, that we have forsaken taste?

If you ever go to McDonald’s or Hungry Jacks – does what you get in the box ever look like the pictures they have on the menu? Nope. If you buy the most beautifully photographed cookbook and get inspired to try one of the dishes, does the end product look like it does in the picture? Nope.

I don’t make excuses for the fact that my products may differ from the pictures I post on Facebook and Twitter. I am not perfect and neither are my yum-yums. Wherever human beings are involved, there will always be error. All we can do is strive to learn from our mistakes and do better next time. All we can do is to keep on experimenting and being creative.

But have the marketers taken it too far? In our frenzy for perfect food have we genetically modified taste out, just so the tomato is more red? Have we genetically modified the nutrients out, just so the tomato can last longer between the farm and the plate?

Where do we draw the line? Will we soon be genetically modifying ourselves so there is no disease and no death? What about the population boom? Where will everyone live?

At Luscious for the coffee I like to use Riverina milk and skim milk. It comes from Wagga, where my family on Dad’s side comes from and it tastes like milk. The full fat milk even comes with a little cream. But when frothed for a latte or cappuccino – the flavours together are delicious. Moreish, addictive.

I know it is not realistic, but I have it in my head that the Riverina cows are all milked by hand and the farmers catch the milk in wooden buckets and whistle as they pour it into a big oak barrel.

But that’s what the taste does for me. It conjures. That’s what the tomatoes I grew did for me, took me back to Sorrento and Naples and even to my Nan’s table!

One of my wholesale customers paid me an enormous compliment last week. He said I was lifting the standard of their cakes! I looked at the other non-Luscious cakes they had on offer and they looked beautiful. But he told me they rarely sold.

Needless to say, I blushed but then went on to explain that my cakes and yum-yums aren’t froufrou pretty and never will be. They don’t look like they’ve just been unloaded off a massive truck doing deliveries all over Sydney. What I am more concerned about is taste, texture, flavour and a little conjuring!

I want to you have the Lemon Sherbet and immediately think of your Great Uncle Wal. I want you to have the Wagon Wheel and be 12 years old again, with purple corduroy jeans and pigtails. I want you to have a Gingernut, Shortbread or Raspberry Swirl and think of rainy Sunday afternoons spent playing card games with your Grandma, Nona, Nan, Ma – sitting in front of the electric bar heater drinking tea.

The sense of taste and the sense of smell are so closely related. Almost conjoined twins you could say. And when it comes to memory, so overwhelmingly powerful.

I urge you – let that power be your guide!

That’s what my sister calls me – the reverse vampire! Retiring at sundown and rising just before sun up, she can’t believe the hours I keep and delights in making jokes at my expense!

However, there is much to be said for rising before the sun. You get to see some things that are really, very special – mainly nocturnal native Australian fauna, of both the four-legged and two-legged varieties. Not to mention those with wings and beaks!

My personal favourite is catching a glimpse of the Tawny Frogmouth. Incredibly rare, these beauties love to sit atop the telegraph poles and watch the world go by – so magnificent, a little sinister looking and slightly imposing.

Then there are the Ring-Tailed Possums performing daring, high wire balancing act, traversing busy Condamine Street, well above the conscious minds of the drivers below – well, except for my conscious mind!

Last Monday morning I was delighted to see a young two-legged example of Manly Vale fauna. Swaying ever so slightly (under the influence of alcohol I presumed) one leg jutting out onto the road ever so cockily – he sticks out his thumb.

Once he realised that in fact I was not slowing down to give him a lift (yeah – as if!) he then flipped me off and said something about truckin’! Rude little piggy.

On arrival at the kitchen, there is a process I go through in the first twenty minutes, to ensure that I can then dive into baking and creating with minimum effort. Well, that’s my story – but it’s really about distracting myself until the coffee machine warms up!

Then I make a coffee and depending on the time, I step outside the door and bear witness to the commencement of the day. This is the time to breathe, to reflect on what the day holds and I make a mental note to have a good day.

Brookvale is gorgeous at this time of the day. Her sharp angles, overbearing reflective surfaces, dusty streets and machinery are somewhat softened in the pink and orange rays of the sunrise.

And it is blessedly quiet! Sometimes it is so quiet I can hear the cross-walk signal sound up on Pittwater Road (about 175 metres away).

Anyway, this – combined with the Australia Day celebrations, got me thinking about the little island we call home.

Australians all, let us rejoice, for we are young and free…YES! Yes – rejoice.

All the time – because we are young AND free. There are no armoured trucks barreling down Pitt Street. There are no automatic-rifle carrying police officers standing guard at the train stations. We can vote to choose our government. We can work. We can be outspoken and irreverent.

With golden soil and wealth for toil, our home is girt by sea…Our land abounds in nature’s gifts, of beauty rich and rare…I believe when Peter Dodds McCormick wrote the lyrics, he was referring to our landscape, our fauna and flora.

But I like to believe that it means all that AND the amazing breadth and depth of the talent of our population! I mean, come on…we are one talented populous! Medicine, engineering, science, architecture, marine, environmental, finance, opera, ballet, art, fashion, food, wine, cheese making….the list goes on and on!

The part of the anthem, the part that always gets missed is the best part…in my humble opinion.

Beneath our radiant Southern Cross, we’ll toil with hearts and hands, to make this Commonwealth of ours, renowned of all the lands. I think the youth of our nation’s settlement by the Brits precludes us from being too renowned just yet…perhaps give us another 200-odd years? But we are getting there. If referring to our indigenous culture – then spot on!

Seriously though, think about it. How far have we come in such a short space of time? If I think about my own mother – would there have been the opportunities given to her that I have had (and somewhat taken for granted)? Or my grandmother for that matter?

And that’s just three generations. My heart fills with such hope when I think about my nieces and what their futures potentially hold – WOW! The skies the limit!

Without getting on my feminist soap box – education, employment, business ownership, the single life without judgment (or relatively without judgment)…now we just need to get equal pay for equal work and we are almost there!

For those who’ve come across the seas, we’ve boundless plains to share. With courage let us all combine to advance Australia fair!

Indulge me while I repeat that last bit….with courage let us all combine to advance Australia fair. We will be renowned of all the lands if we all combine our efforts.

One of the best ways to do this is to buy Australian made products. I am not just saying that because my yum-yums are Australian made and WHENEVER possible I always use Australian ingredients – I am saying it because it is the only way our farmers, our local businesses can survive and prosper. The only way we, as a nation can grow and prosper! Together.

I was mortified recently when looking for Australian flags to put up at the shop – not one of them was made in Australia. Not one! Now I have absolutely nothing against China, some of my very good friends are Chinese. But can you see that it’s no good having an Aussie flag for Australia Day that is made in China?

Check your labels peeps! Buy Australian made. Keep the cash here. Tell Woolworth’s and Coles you only want your fresh fruit and veggies in season, locally grown! They may be the fresh food people and keeping their prices down – but we want local or we’ll go to IGA!

Seriously though (and no, I’m not running for politics) please give some thought to where your goodies come from. The more local the better – for more reasons than just buying Australian. It cuts down on transport costs. It cuts down on refrigeration and storage costs. It cuts down the carbon footprint (via transport and storage) AND it is healthier for you to eat local, in season produce. And wouldn’t we all like to be healthier at the same time as advancing Australia?

So, six months since I signed the lease of the Brookvale property. Five months since I threw open the doors (every Friday and Saturday anyway) and as many months since I’ve not slept like the proverbial log. The minute my head hits the pillow – I’m out.

What’s the wash? Well, I’ll tell you very honestly.

It is a lot of hard work. Not just a couple of days a week, but every day, seven days a week – as I knew it would be. I absolutely love it though. I do my own thing every day, make what I want to make, create what I want to create…I have fun every day.

Not all day every day, but every day.

Sometimes there’s those days when I wish that the alarm was not going off and I could just hit snooze and tuck back in under the sheets. Those days when the coffee machine and the fridge decide they are going to break down at the same time. Those days when you catch your finger in a spice grinder and it is so early in the morning that no one is around, so you feel it would be best to lie on the floor for a while, until you don’t feel like passing out any more.

Then there’s those OTHER days…the days when one of your customers comments that he lives in such a great area, ‘cause he’s got Zumbo at Manly & Luscious at Brookvale! Those days when you’ve spent two weeks “romancing” a potential new wholesale customer and then they place an order for three slabs of lamingtons! Or then there are those days when you are developing a new recipe – and it just works.

But even after those absolutely fabulous days, I get home and there’s banking and accounting to do…that’s when you realise that you are not actually making ends meet and more to the point, the bank has called to say they are renaming your savings account to “spendings account”.

I joke about it because otherwise, I will cry. I am so tired all the time, bordering on sleep deprivation you could say and today at Coles I was stopped by a lovely young man who ask me if I would help Red Cross and I said I couldn’t because I was actually headed in to Coles to buy noodles for dinner, because I didn’t have any money for anything else. And the next thing I know my eyes a brimming in front of a complete stranger!

One of my dearest and oldest friends popped in to the shop to say hi the other day and naturally, he asked me how it was going. I said I didn’t want to talk about it because I’d cry (any of you who actually know me, know that I don’t cry easily). At which point I dropped my face into my hands and bawled like a baby.

I absolutely cringe writing about it now, as the look in his eyes was complete and utter pity – and I hate that. Hate me. Love me – but don’t pity me…pul-eaze!

He asked my why I didn’t ask for help…which got me thinking. Why don’t I ask for help? Ever?

The eldest of three siblings and an Aries to boot, I balk at anything remotely like asking for help.

Why? Is it a fault in my design? Is it a consequence of my life experiences? Do I think it makes me appear weak (heaven forbid)? Am I just a stubborn bitch? Is it all of the above?

If I am not baking, I’m cleaning. If I am not cleaning, I’m doing accounting. If I’m not doing accounting, I’m out dropping off samples. If I’m not dropping off samples, I’m making deliveries. And so on. You get the gist.

So, I find myself engaging in “self talk” in my “down” time (usually cleaning and driving) and this is what she says – can you really do this for much longer? Can you continue to fund this folly? Are you going to be living in a caravan at Narrabeen in the not too distant future?

So here is the plan myself and I have come up with; the shop will be closing over the Christmas/New Year break (closing 24^th December, reopening 11^th January), during this time I have to secure 10 new wholesale customers. I also have to plan for and market children’s lamington making classes, to be run Saturday afternoons by appointment. I also have to secure some private functions for morning or afternoon tea – offering my café as a private function room. I also have to set up a website (with the assistance of the aforementioned fabulous friend) and somewhere in there take a little “she” time. Although I am a totally capable woman, all work and no play makes for a very dull Kiki!

That’s what she said!

A couple of weeks ago I was looking after my neighbour’s two cats while he was away. And as often the case with cats at this time of year – they shed their winter coat. So, I decided I would sweep up & straighten up, before his return. What I noticed was coconut. Shredded coconut.

Then I noticed coconut in the hallway in our apartment block. At another neighbours place, in my car, in my bed, on the little ledge inside the washing machine door…and in my piggy tail! Coconut, coconut everywhere!

So there it is – my life comes down to coconut. Shredded coconut.

As we sat around the family dinner table last night following a great meal, dessert was naturally lamingtons! After I refused dessert (no room) my sister asked me if I was sick and tired of lamingtons. Quite the contrary I can assure you. In fact I think I am a little addicted if truth be told. But there is so much to be addicted to!

Fresh, moist cake, sometimes fresh in season fruit, chocolate dip of either white of dark persuasion and the piece de resistance – shredded coconut. I think I am also a little addicted to the creation side as well…

My first wedding enquiry came to the shop two weeks ago! This was going to be fun. A lamington stack for a wedding cake? Brilliant! We were discussing some options and I sprouted “I only use fresh ingredients – what ever is in season in March is what I will do” or something like that. Later on I thought to myself – what a tosser. This is HER wedding. HER day. If she wants something out of season then I will do it. But I put forward a couple of ideas that didn’t include fresh seasonal produce, like a Creme Brulee Lamington! Sounds pretty good for a wedding eh?

I must say these last couple of weeks have been tumultuous to say the least. My Mum has been in hospital having a knee replacement and there has been a few hiccups but mostly she seems to be on the mend. This has brought up a few emotional issues for me, as we lost my Nan following her hip replacement and the pulmonary embolism that followed.

Firstly, the anxiety of her actual operation and then the stress of her recovery, plus trying to visit as much as humanly possible…plus my Dad can’t cook. So there was meal prep as well (not that I mind in the slightest).

Wholesale for LusciousKiki Cakes is building week by week. This is good. Every week I drop off samples at cafes I think may be interested – I’ve not had a knock back as yet (don’t get cocky now!) – so the list is getting longer – Belrose Hotel, North Steyne Emporio, Moreish Foods and the newest is Cafe Bella Vista at North Head. There are a couple more I’m working on…

But the shop itself is not where I thought it would be by now. This is not good. This causes me some worry.

I was truly hoping to have a balance between wholesale and retail and use the Friday and Saturdays as my social interaction, as well as supplementing my wholesale income. Don’t get me wrong – the people that do come in to the shop are fabulous and I love to see their gorgeous faces every week. But sales are erratic.

So I am kind of caught in a situation of my own making.

As it is only me, I always ask myself “what is the best use of my time right now?”. Is it trotting around delivering post cards? Is it creating new yum yum flavours? Is it sending out menus and trying to drum up more business? Is it taking a moment to relax with my thoughts and read a book (that is not a cook book) with a cuppa? Torn is the feeling.

But two things have become clear to me in the last seven weeks since opening Luscious. The first is that many of the “local” Brookvale people look on me as if I were a little like Reece Witherspoon’s character in Legally Blonde and the second is that word of mouthis priceless.

Let me explain…the Legally Blonde reference is more than just a hot pink outfit in a sea of dark grey or black suits. People around here always stand out, what with all the hi-vis vests, fluro shirts and hard hats! It’s more about an attitude I believe. Being an old hospitality hand I always have my “game face” on even if the doors to Luscious are not open. I represent Luscious and therefore, it is my firm belief that my projected persona be one of sweetness and light at all times.

Sometimes it is hard to always have the game face on – like when I’ve been up since 3am and I’m dog-tired or I’ve got a cracker headache and can’t see out of one eye.

Most times though, it is not too hard at all.  Gone are the days when I just didn’t want to get out of bed to drag myself to work. Gone is the dread that fills my heart on Sunday night, as bedtime nears and I cringe at the thought of having to go back to the grind on Monday. Most days – I just can’t wait to get here. And that fact, I believe is the key.

The word of mouth being priceless reference has always been something I’ve known, but when it’s your own business and you’ve poured your heart and soul into it and you live and breathe it daily and are so close to your customer, then the value of word of mouth really, truly is priceless.

The responsibility of generating word of mouth is great and my first point about the game face feeds into this. Even when I’m delivering postcards, or standing in line at Woolies and I strike up a conversation, even when I’m sweeping the footpath out front – I represent.

Every person who steps foot over the Luscious threshold has the potential to be a walking advertisement for Luscious. It does not matter if they buy one lamington or twelve. One coffee or four. These people hold the future of Luscious in their hands. Therefore I must treat every single one of them as if they were the King of Siam.

I made a decision early on that although this is the Luscious way, although they are always the customer (and the customer is King) – I will not sell my soul to the devil, so to speak. I will be honest in my dealings with people, charge fairly and still retain integrity in every aspect.

Many, many moons ago I was fortunate enough to work in one of Sydney’s most famous “hat-ed” restaurants. But I had to sell my soul, as everything was about bowing and scraping to the customer. Always showing a smile (that never reached my eyes). Always conceding that the customer was right. Never correcting mis-pronunciations and never, ever having an opinion that was in opposition to the customer’s.

Valuable lessons all.

For Luscious I want to smile genuinely. I want to greet people warmly as they enter Luscious, if it’s their first time or fiftieth. I want to make people feel like they’ve stepped in to a little piece of heaven and leave thinking they’ll be back next week. But I want it to be real. All of it. I want to be real.

A funny thing happened on the way to setting up my new business…I became comfortable with myself for the first time ever.

There are some monumental moments in your life that change you indelibly. That for me was my Nan’s passing back in 1998. For years afterwards and still sometimes today, I can not believe that she is gone and something weird happens to my eyes and everything looks a little misty… I still miss her.

So basically my life is broken into two – before Nan’s death and after. Before, I was an intense, driven and sometimes obnoxious woman (girl) hell bent on going after what I wanted. Some people might say that I have not changed. But I have. I have struggled with depression for years (nicely medicated thank you) and now I am softer, more considerate and more sensitive to other people and their experiences and that includes myself.

Now, I have another monumental moment. The moment I became a small business operator. The moment I made the decision to set up Luscious, that was the moment that things changed again. The moment I changed again.

To set up Luscious I have not borrowed a “brass razoo” as my Dad would say. I have used my own hard earned cash, which in itself is scary as I always like to have a “cunning kick” stashed for those inevitable rainy days. You know those days – the ones you think only happen to other people.

In eight months I’ve managed to plough through the majority of said savings and it has been pretty easy really. But now is “and then”.

And then on a bright and clear winter day in August I opened the doors to Luscious. And then I realised that my moment is now. No longer beneath the radar – I am out there for everyone to see – and judge. The performer side of me loves it. The depressed and perpetually anxious side of me abhors it. The side of me raised to always have financial security is wringing her hands in the corner and the lazy side just wants to lie down and sleep!

But the side of me that loves what I do, the side that smiles while I pull a freshly baked sticky date pudding out of the oven, the side tries new and “a little out there” flavour combinations for lamingtons – she is in her element!

My Nan used to say that if you love what you do – you’ll never work a day in your life. Sorry Nan – but that’s not exactly true. I am working…starting early and finishing late (really who else will do it?), talking about the shop to anyone who will listen, walking around doing letterbox drops, trying to generate some income. I love it all. It’s not always easy, but it is always mine.

And in that thought I find comfort. And in that – I am finally comfortable with myself.

Last weekend I was closing up shop on Saturday afternoon – packing up the furniture, sweeping the floor and boxing up all the leftovers to distribute to my family (they’re not sick of lammos just yet!) and my heart broke a little. Now don’t misunderstand – I had no illusions that I would open the doors and people would just magically stampede in to buy my beautiful creations, but I was a little disappointed. Actually “a little” is downplaying it.

I’d just gotten the first full month’s electricity bill and been totally caught unawares (although unawares is not the word I used at the time) and the old feeling of self doubt started to creep back in. What had I done? After speaking with the electricity provider I learned I had two more of these sky high bills to pay before they worked out what I was actually using. I still had rent, insurance, food, fuel and packaging not to mention my own rent, food and packaging.

The week before I had dropped off some samples to a well known cafe in Manly – The North Steyne Emporio so when Tuesday came around I thought I’d drop in for a coffee and see if they were interested in purchasing anything. On the spot they ordered two slabs of lamingtons (Chocolate Coma and Salted Caramel) for delivery today! And when I delivered – they paid me on the spot! Could this be the start of a beautiful new relationship? I will find out on Tuesday when I go back for a follow up. Although it was only two slabs, my faith was restored. I brushed that feeling of doubt aside and almost skipped back to the car! And let me tell you the sight of a 43 year old woman skipping is not something you see every day.

Of course I worry about money and of course I think I should have done this sooner. But all in all I am not sure that I could have. I obviously had some lessons to learn and some dues to pay. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve paid some (not all) dues.

But the thing that keeps me going, that I am thriving on is that it is MY business. Mine.

Now, let me be Luscious!

What a journey I have been on.

It is truly amazing what people can accomplish when they put their minds to it. I remember as a child and then later as a young adult both my Mum and my Dad telling me I could do anything I wanted to, I just had to put my mind to it!

So I did.

Over my formative years, I spent much time with my parents on building sites. I tell people that I could climb a ladder before I could walk (never let the truth get in the way of a good story I say) and I have held many a screwdriver over the years. And unless it is electrical, I will give anything a shot.

As it was, last Sunday when I found myself losing patience and lugging out the extension ladder, fully intending to see if I could get the signage off the front wall of my new shop (this was supposed to be the landlord’s job, done weeks ago). And what do you know…an hour later armed with a screw driver and a claw hammer, the ladder feet were surrounded with scattered parts of the alphabet!

Up until last week, my kitchen had been littered with toolboxes and containers of sugar soap, sand paper, saw dust, cockroach bodies, layers of grease and tins of paint. Now, the transformation for Luscious is almost complete.

My family has all pitched in and helped, both my nephews being more than delighted to wield the Kartcher wand and soak each other in the process! My nieces less delighted to have to scrub the floor, but never the less they got into it. My father painted, hammered, nailed and created and my gorgeous mother (although not in the pink of health) has sewn and also created. Not to mention both sister’s contributions. What would I do with out you?

Thank you one and all.

If there is one thing I’ve learned during my time on this planet, it’s that everything happens for a reason. That is all I will say, except that someone is watching over me. For shizzle!

The massive three group coffee machine I bought fits perfectly on the bench intended for the coffee machine. The electrician was able to connect my oven without having to drill the wall or run forty football fields of cabling. The electrician was also able to simply change the service fuse and get the cool room and the electric awning working quick sticks. And neither of these miracles cost me a kidney.

Every ‘piece’ I have bought over the last four months suits the shop to a T and the hot pink velvet that I bought to recover some chairs does not look like Barbie has had her way with the soft furnishings. There are also other things that have been loaned, bought and generously given by friends and family. All the people who I care most about in this world have contributed in some way (you know who you are) so that there is a little of each of them in Luscious. What would I do with out you?

Plan wise – I’ve not written anything down (very unlike me) and all my plans have been kept in my head. If something does not work out, I have simply changed my plan (mind). I’ve not gotten stressed out or upset – just rolled with the punches. In actual fact I am very proud of myself, as in the past when things don’t go as planned (or my way), I get a bit uptight (maybe an understatement). But not this time.

The one hiccup that I did have is me. Not super-woman after all! Last Friday I started to get a sore throat. By Sunday I was aching all over and feeling very sorry for myself. You may not believe me when I say that I had to think hard and long as to the last time I had a cold. It is literally years. Truly. I usually don’t pick up colds and flu.

But I digress.

Today the foam arrived for the banquette. I am still waiting on more kitchen ware (should be any day now) and then the doors are open. Even as I type that I almost can’t believe it is true.

In my last post I wrote that I didn’t love it. Well…a girl can change her mind can’t she?

Now I do love it! And you know what? It is not perfect, but I think it will grow and things will change and be a little organic. That is really what it is all about. Right from the start I wanted to change my products as I developed new flavours or change with the fresh produce in season, depending what was available. So too – the cafe will be like this.

Rather than putting hand to pan of late all I’ve done is put hand to paint brush, or scraper, or screwdriver and now…now I am ITCHING to get back to creating. Which makes me think…a new flavour for launch?

Yes I think so!

Watch this space for opening day details…COMING SOON!

The last two weeks I’ve spent most of my time being confused and confounded, as I navigate my way into the world of the commercial retail lease and all that goes with it. And it is nothing as exciting as Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, where around every corner is a bed of twisting snakes. It’s more like just one snake. But the snake shifts and changes personality! More of a Jekyll and Hyde situation.

I should preface this by saying that I think I’m lucky to have found an experienced and scrupulous solicitor, who genuinely appears to be on my side (at my cost I might add).

As I sat in Brian’s office yesterday and read over the lease, I felt a balloon of dismay growing in my chest. And then not so much dismay, but anger. The lease held only a little resemblance to discussions I’d had with the real estate agent and subsequently, the landlord. Did they think I was a complete idiot?

The real estate agent (as they often do) told me of what was included in the lease. Or at least, what was included to get me to seriously think about it and make an offer. You’d just have to pay for excess water and grease trap. Sounded good.If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

There was two parts to the lease and as I understand it, they are supposed to be identical. Supposed to be. Different commencement dates, different items listed, different inclusions. My guess is the documents were prepared by two separate people, or just one who was having that Jekyll and Hyde moment I mentioned earlier.

Perhaps the most outrageous thing that was included in the lease was that I (as the tenant) was to be solely responsible to get the premises to fire safety code. Err – excuse me? Even I, a relative neophyte of the commercial world, know that fire code is the responsibility of the landlord.

This morning I woke feeling slightly tortured and perplexed.

I’d slept badly, tossing and turning and having all types of wicked dreams (one of which included a dog sized red back spider with my face) and not at all rested.

Brian had assured me that he would go back to the other solicitor with a list we’d prepared and get it sorted. I’d also sent some photos I’d taken on my last visit, so Brian had a pretty good understanding of what was, in fact what. However, Brian’s assurances although confidence building, was more about my confidence in him and not the lease.

For the majority of my adult working life, I think I’ve been pretty lucky to have always come across people who are straightforward. I guess that’s says as much about me as it does about the hospitality industry. We are both pretty straight forward.

Currently though, it seemed as though I’d wandered off the path and into a much darker section of dense bush, with shifting shadows and little dark creatures scuttling over my toes, where nothing was as it seemed.

The other thing was that Brian had done a title search and found that the lease for the previous tenant had switched abruptly and then ended not long after, which he told me usually indicated that the previous tenant had died. How awful. I hope they didn’t die in the shop! I didn’t want to have to do a “smudge” on top of all that cleaning!

Other than my foray into the legal world, I’d bought furniture, sorted out all my cookbooks and equipment and started packing items that I wanted to sell or display at the shop. My flat was beginning to look like Vinnie’s on donation day. There were items of furniture and boxes piled up everywhere.

The two things that the shop lease did not include were an espresso machine and an oven. I can tell you right now – I couldn’t possibly get by without both.

As any baker will tell you their morning usually starts early. And I do mean early – 4am is not considered an odd start time (which was the other thing I had asked Brian to mention with regards to the lease). So, on arrival every morning after switching the oven on, comes a coffee. Naturally.

I was lucky enough to secure a coffee machine almost right away and she’s a beauty. A little retro in her style (kind of like me), pale, powder blue front, a few scratches here and there (again, kind of like me) and well-loved. She’d do nicely thanks. Currently, she is residing in the back of Biscuit (my Honda Jazz).

The oven was proving to be a little elusive. I’d searched high and low on-line and had come up empty-handed. Later today, I’m off to the auctions to inspect a couple of units and see what is what. But, the good news is – I’m becoming an oven aficionado!

The thing I had found heart breaking whilst looking for both the coffee machine and oven was that the items I was looking at were as a result of cafes and restaurants going bankrupt. It broke my heart, as I knew how much work went into setting up something – a dream, then to have it fall over would be devastating. I saw lots of 25 dining chairs for $100. When bought, they probably would have been close to that each. Boxes of 100 pieces of glassware for a starting bid of $9. Soul destroying stuff. I hoped against hope I would not be listing my items on there in the near future.

As it stands today, I’ve learned a lot. I guess the main thing I’ve learned is to trust myself more. I’ve had twenty odd years experience in hospitality. I have a bachelor of business, I’ve helped set up new and refurb-ed old cafes, restaurants and hotels. I’ve trained staff. I’ve made dinner service a breeze. I’ve cleaned toilets and assisted at accident sights. I can’t recall how many first aid courses I’ve been on but it has to be close to eight or nine.

This boils down to experience. This means I will already know a likely outcome of a situation. This means I already know how much it will cost to replace a cool room motor if required. This means I should trust myself more. Can I get an Amen!

As I mentioned last week, I was ready to plunge headlong into the next stage of my adventure in cake…the somewhat daunting world of commercial kitchen leasing!

I was ready Tuesday to see the real estate agent and leave a big cheque for the deposit and get the proverbial ball rolling.

First things first, I had to check my business account to see if a payment had been made by a previous customer (a payment now almost two months overdue) and what I saw, wasn’t what I’d expected.

There were transactions, but none that I had made…some thieving bugger (that’s not the word I used but it will do for here) had taken my credit card number and bought things with it! Not many things, but enough for me to get on the phone to the bank then and there and feel sick to my stomach about it.

What ensued was three days of waiting (which I’m not very good at). The lovely lady at the bank told me that it looked as though two other charges were coming through as well and would be closer to $3,000. Needless to say I shifted all my money out and cancelled the credit card!

Then I had to phone the agent and tell him the good news…there would be a delay in me making the deposit on the lease after all. As I said the words, it sounded so lame and I thought, this guy must think I’m some kind of loony and what was he getting himself in for by leasing this kitchen to me?

The other thing to consider was that I’d told everyone that last Friday would be my last day at the market for a while, as I got the kitchen set up. I’d have to do this Friday at the market and just explain what had happened. Needless to say, I got a lot of sympathy from my customers who turned up and saw me there yesterday morning!

Following the market I had organised to meet the agent at the shop to take another look and just be a little more certain that I did in fact want to get in this deep. Did I?

As I looked around the kitchen (I still don’t LOVE it  – but not a bad thing) I could actually see myself working at the benches, entering the cool room and taking coffee to customers. And I smiled.

Yep – this would do nicely thank you.

I took photos. I took stock. I looked at what needs to be done, cleaned, painted and adjusted. As I said – I don’t love it. But in business I am not sure that you need to love it. I believe you just need to be able to see the potential and what can be done to maximise profit.

It definitely needs at least four days of solid work on it, prior to getting started. Oh…and an oven and a coffee machine.

Next was to get the Business Plan (Part Two) set firm and locked away. I’d been turning over some ideas in my head, but what I really wanted was to be able to use the kitchen for production as well as be open to the public. That means staff, employees, team members. Team members are what I wanted, not staff. But, I’m getting ahead of myself a little…

The other thing was that I’d been told that once I could handle the volume, I’d pick up two other venues, linked to the one at Belrose. Sweet! One would be based on functions and the other would be double the volume I currently do for Belrose. I still needed more…so part of the plan is that while I’m setting up, I will do a little “direct marketing” and take my product to the streets (so to speak). At first it will be two venues a week for delivery of “samples” and see how I go after a month. The beauty of the kitchen is that it is not in a residential area, so I could potentially utilise it 24/7 if I wanted to. But again, I’m getting ahead of myself!

The next month looks as though it is going to be some hard slog. But you know what? I am excited and looking forward to getting going.

I mean really getting going. It’s almost like an itch in between your shoulders – you can’t quite reach it!

If I’m a little inconsistent with my blog posts over the next month, please be patient – as I will probably have to divide my time between production and actually setting up the kitchen.

But I will bring updates as they happen when I can!

Sunday night my neighbour came knocking, asking if he could borrow my sewing machine. Not a problem!

My apartment is such a small space that every possible opportunity for storage has been seized! As such in my very small hallway a piece of particle board sits atop three door frames and hides many seldom used items one of which is my much neglected sewing machine.

As I grabbed this ancient piece of machinery I stepped down off the stepladder and lost my balance and to catch myself, leant back against the wall. The same wall that sports my original business plan mind map and down it came.

After handing over the sewing machine I repositioned it and stood in front of the mind map and actually took a good, long look at it, read it, looked at the pictures, touched my words – something that I had not done in weeks. I’d been so busy with the business and baking that I’d neglected to “check in” to see if I was on track. But guess what? I was on track!

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some things that I’ve not achieved as yet, but these things will come once I get my own commercial space. For the most part, Luscious was there.

I also took Sunday off. Well, other than making a delivery in the morning and going to the market for supplies. But in the afternoon, I relaxed – big time! I relaxed so much that I felt like all my bones had gone soft. I burned lavender in my oil burner. I cleaned my house and did a stack of washing (not great considering it rained all day) but it was good.

Come Tuesday I got a telephone call from the real estate agent I’d seen last week about the commercial kitchen I saw with Suz. The landlord had accepted my offer. GULP! He what?

Yup. Accepted my offer! Holy crap!

I was up visiting with Mum and Dad and both my sisters and my two nieces were there. I raced into the lounge room and shouted at the top of my voice! I GOT IT! My nieces were jumping up and down, they were so excited.

Needless to say I tossed and turned all night that night and it felt like I got about  2 hours sleep!

By Wednesday night, self-doubt began to overtake me in waves. In the space of a day it looked as though I was going to be a commercial lease-holder, I’d retained a solicitor and I had to take numerous checks at the finances. Luckily for me my BFF Suz was there for emotional support. “Of course you can do this. You can do this in your sleep!” Suz assured me.

By Friday, it all looked as though everything was going to fall into place with the kitchen. Now, the unpleasant task of informing my loyal and faithful market customers…I couldn’t be in two places at once (after all). I was completely overwhelmed by their reaction and had sold out by 12:30pm. One lady said that if I wasn’t going to be at the market for a while, she’d better take twenty lamingtons!

I nearly fell over with my legs in the air!

As I packed up my stall for what potentially could be the last time for at least two months, I got a little sad. These people were amazing, encouraging, accommodating, a little community within a community and truly happy that I was taking such a big step with the business. Kath (the Flower Lady) and Colin (the most fantastic Goats Milk Soap guy) both hugged me and wished me well as I left. Colin even took photos!

Once again, on the drive home, I had two eyes that were slightly leaking. I don’t think I’ve been this emotional in my entire life!

Yes, this is a big step.

Yes, I am nervous but I do not want to look back on my life and say “if only…”

There’s much to be done between now and opening and I have already secured two more cafes to supply to once I am open for business, but the intention at this point is to operate a production kitchen as required (looking like seven days a week at the moment) and be open to the public Friday and Saturday offering all the luscious lamingtons, a good coffee and a chat.

Once I get the keys I will post some pictures of the “before” and then once I am done with the setup I will show you the after.

But for now there is much to do – I must get on. I must buy an oven!

So take a deep breath and JUMP!