So, six months since I signed the lease of the Brookvale property. Five months since I threw open the doors (every Friday and Saturday anyway) and as many months since I’ve not slept like the proverbial log. The minute my head hits the pillow – I’m out.
What’s the wash? Well, I’ll tell you very honestly.
It is a lot of hard work. Not just a couple of days a week, but every day, seven days a week – as I knew it would be. I absolutely love it though. I do my own thing every day, make what I want to make, create what I want to create…I have fun every day.
Not all day every day, but every day.
Sometimes there’s those days when I wish that the alarm was not going off and I could just hit snooze and tuck back in under the sheets. Those days when the coffee machine and the fridge decide they are going to break down at the same time. Those days when you catch your finger in a spice grinder and it is so early in the morning that no one is around, so you feel it would be best to lie on the floor for a while, until you don’t feel like passing out any more.
Then there’s those OTHER days…the days when one of your customers comments that he lives in such a great area, ‘cause he’s got Zumbo at Manly & Luscious at Brookvale! Those days when you’ve spent two weeks “romancing” a potential new wholesale customer and then they place an order for three slabs of lamingtons! Or then there are those days when you are developing a new recipe – and it just works.
But even after those absolutely fabulous days, I get home and there’s banking and accounting to do…that’s when you realise that you are not actually making ends meet and more to the point, the bank has called to say they are renaming your savings account to “spendings account”.
I joke about it because otherwise, I will cry. I am so tired all the time, bordering on sleep deprivation you could say and today at Coles I was stopped by a lovely young man who ask me if I would help Red Cross and I said I couldn’t because I was actually headed in to Coles to buy noodles for dinner, because I didn’t have any money for anything else. And the next thing I know my eyes a brimming in front of a complete stranger!
One of my dearest and oldest friends popped in to the shop to say hi the other day and naturally, he asked me how it was going. I said I didn’t want to talk about it because I’d cry (any of you who actually know me, know that I don’t cry easily). At which point I dropped my face into my hands and bawled like a baby.
I absolutely cringe writing about it now, as the look in his eyes was complete and utter pity – and I hate that. Hate me. Love me – but don’t pity me…pul-eaze!
He asked my why I didn’t ask for help…which got me thinking. Why don’t I ask for help? Ever?
Why? Is it a fault in my design? Is it a consequence of my life experiences? Do I think it makes me appear weak (heaven forbid)? Am I just a stubborn bitch? Is it all of the above?
If I am not baking, I’m cleaning. If I am not cleaning, I’m doing accounting. If I’m not doing accounting, I’m out dropping off samples. If I’m not dropping off samples, I’m making deliveries. And so on. You get the gist.
So, I find myself engaging in “self talk” in my “down” time (usually cleaning and driving) and this is what she says – can you really do this for much longer? Can you continue to fund this folly? Are you going to be living in a caravan at Narrabeen in the not too distant future?
So here is the plan myself and I have come up with; the shop will be closing over the Christmas/New Year break (closing 24th December, reopening 11th January), during this time I have to secure 10 new wholesale customers. I also have to plan for and market children’s lamington making classes, to be run Saturday afternoons by appointment. I also have to secure some private functions for morning or afternoon tea – offering my café as a private function room. I also have to set up a website (with the assistance of the aforementioned fabulous friend) and somewhere in there take a little “she” time. Although I am a totally capable woman, all work and no play makes for a very dull Kiki!
That’s what she said!